And so it’s all over for another year.
I have to say, I’m always relieved when it’s over.
I love the twinkly prospect of the festive season, but in reality it’s an intense period of extreme highs and lows, and it’s rather nice to be back to some kind of semi-order and normality.
We went away this year to spend Christmas with my side of the S.H.I.T. family, which was lovely. No cooking, a change of scenery and my whole clan being together which happens very rarely these days.
But ever since we’ve had kids, it’s apparent that going away with them at any time of year involves coming back with twice as much stuff as you went away with – they seem to multiply ‘tat’ wherever they go. But at Christmas the accumulation of tat, goes up a gear into mountainous proportions.
We headed off with two average sized suitcases and a few bags of presents. It was manageable, even though Mr S.H.I.T. could be heard muttering something under his breath about pack horses and going to Barbados on his own next year, after packing the car.
But on the return journey we came back with twice as much ‘stuff’. The car was bursting to the brim with plastic things spilling out every time we dared to open the boot. Five bin bags full of board games for them to fight over, six new mugs, seven new tea towels, more tubs of Heroes than we could shake a stick at and a giant Darth Vader head.
Obviously the little S.H.I.T.’s skipped off into the house to get plugged into their devices as soon we arrived back home. I mean, why would they give two hoots about all their new kit? Meanwhile Mr S.H.I.T. and I were left lugging in the bags, grunting obscenities at each other as each bin bag split a little more and another Lego mini figure escaped.
Then there’s the guilt of hardly seeing the great outdoors and living in a world of muggy darkness over the festive period.
Obviously it’s cold outside at this time of year and I’d have loved nothing more than to let the kids have a two week Minecraft session, while I drooled over my Radio Times circling programmes that I’ll never watch. But I always get the Christmas Day / New Year’s Day family-walk guilt. It’s what we were all dragged out to do in the 80’s, so it’s what I’m going to drag my kids out to do in 2018.
Nobody obviously wanted to go and after five minutes in, I wished I’d never bothered when all I could hear is ‘It’s too cold. It’s too boring. There’s nothing to do out here. Fresh air is rubbish.’
Apart from the lack of fresh air, there also never seems to be any food in our house over the Christmas holidays. As we were away for a few days, I obviously didn’t bother to get any food in. And then I just never seemed to get any food in ever again.
Suddenly a pile of Heroes in a bowl sufficed for the Little S.H.I.T.s’ breakfasts. Anything remotely healthy went out the window. They thought all their Christmases had come at once (quite literally), but even they got fed up with chocolate and crisps as a staple diet. One of the girls was begging me for some fruit so I found myself giving her half a chocolate orange without batting an eyelid.
Then of course once the Christmas bit is done and dusted, New Year’s Eve looms. How exciting this evening of drunken carefree debauchery used to be, until we all had to think about staying in with our offspring seeing as there isn’t a babysitter available within a radius of 200 miles.
We invited a few friends round with their kids this year and as much as we all want to pretend that we can still carry on like we used to, there’s only so many times we can justify batting away the little people (who are going out of their minds after 6 hours of drinking J20) because we’re too busy dancing round the kitchen imagining we’re in the middle of The Hit Man and Her.
So there you have it, the middle aged S.H.I.T. family festive season. Glorious and exhausting in equal measures, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.
And I’d like to wish you all a very Happy New Year and I hope you’ve made ridiculously unsustainable new year’s resolutions like me, which will last all of four days.
Here’s to a year ahead full of love, happiness and continuing to be S.H.I.T.
With love, Susie xxxx