May is the month of the May Bank Holiday Horn.
Don’t deny it, we’ve all got it.
We’re all gagging for it.
And it can be however you want it to be….
Long & Hard
This is for all the crazy party people out there who like to go at it hard every weekend, making the long May Bank holiday the big fat Rio Carnival of all weekends.
You get to party recklessly all day Saturday feeling like you’re 23 again. And guess what, when you wake up on Sunday with a dead ferret in your mouth, sausage roll pastry flakes all over your duvet and a half drunk bottle of prosecco next to your bed, it doesn’t matter, because there are still two whole days to go. And Sunday is just like Saturday all over again.
So it continues on Sunday…and maybe even a little into Monday, but you don’t feel so hard on Tuesday, knowing that it’ll take until Friday for you to feel human and stop eating Monster Munch. But by then you’ll be ready to do it all over again.
You want to feel loved, you want to feel cared for, you want to cuddle up on the sofa and feel like you’re the only one in the world who matters. You’ve gone hard on these weekends before, but now you’re a little longer in the tooth, you just haven’t got the energy and you need to look after you. For three whole days.
Perhaps you’ll do nothing but watch all those amazing Netflix series that everyone else seems to have time to watch. Eat takeaways with the curtains drawn. Take long baths and read the book that you’ve been trying to read for four years. Whatever it is, this time is for you and you’re going to snuggle down, shut the world out and just do it alone.
Hot and Sweaty
Now this is the May Bank Holiday of dreams. Throw in a sprinkle of sunshine and heat to these occasions, and the whole of the UK goes mad.
Every patch of public grass in the country is covered with bodies, stripped off to bikinis and speedos because we all suddenly think we’re in Marbella, not in a park by the M25.
Barbecue gas canisters are like gold dust, and by 9.30am on Saturday can only be found on the black market for vast sums of money. And don’t even think of trying Sainsburys for a bag of ice or a box of Corona. You’ll be lucky to get a 4 pack of Tennents and a few manky old burgers past their sell by.
And lo and behold everyone will be over it by Sunday, moaning that it’s just too much and all they want is a nice cold bath to sit in.
Some of you might take this extra day off as an opportunity to shake things up a little and step away from the repetitive back and forth of everyday life. Sitting in the park all weekend with a plastic cup of Cider just won’t cut it.
What about an intense ballroom dancing retreat in the Welsh valleys, a sky diving weekend in the Scottish Highlands or a dog grooming course in the Cotswolds?
You’ll never have done anything like this in your life, you’ll be well out of your comfort zone, but you’ll feel exhilarated and have a new zest for life.
It often is. And it’s the worst thing that can happen. We’ve all imagined three glorious days of idyllic scenes in the sparkling sunshine, but the skies open as if those tricksy weather gods are having a good old laugh at everyone on our little island’s expense.
It does nothing but rain for the entire weekend and we’re stuck indoors, the kids are screened up (what’s new), there’s nothing on telly, and the whole thing is a huge wash out.
But it gives us all something to moan about on Tuesday when normal work/life resumes and those tricksy gods decide to have the last laugh by making the sun shine gloriously just as we’re all back to reality.
And there you have it
Something for everyone. Of course, however you play out your May Bank Holiday Horn is your own private business (unless you like to share your every move with the Instagram world), but one thing’s for sure, we’ll all experience the same post-MBHH comedown.
We may want to sleep it off – if it was 20 years ago we might even have a cigarette – but the overall feeling is one of contentment and relief that it all went well. We’re definitely looking forward to doing it again in a couple of weeks, but twice in one month is definitely enough.