I wish I’d had some funny books to read when I was embarking on the whole parenting journey.

I really didn’t know my ars from my elbow and the closest I had come to reading a parenting book was Gina Ford because somebody told me I should.

Three chapters in and I ended up tossing it across the room as it stressed me out so much.

A book with some humour and solidarity to help me see the funny side of it all would have been a godsend. I often wondered if it was just me who’d been thrown into this bizarre new world of explosive poonamis and 26 minutes of sleep a night.

Before my first baby arrived, the scene in my head was thus: I was donned in a floaty white maxi dress, hair tumbling round my shoulders and a look of serenity on my face as I gazed at the beautiful, gurgling bundle of gorgeous chubbiness in my arms.

Mr S.H.I.T. was snuggled up next to me, his arms draped around this vision of ethereal wifeliness, holding his new babe in her arms.

The thought of selling our own mothers just to get an hour of uninterrupted sleep (not really mum, a mere figure of speech) would never have crossed the minds of this ethereal ‘so in love’ couple.

We would never have given each other the bird whenever the other one wasn’t looking, because we constantly bickered about the baby’s routine due to the fact that neither of us had a clue what we were doing.

And the calm, patient mother in my dream sequence certainly would never, ever have hidden in the loo with some salty snacks for anything up to an hour just to get some time out.

I just wish back in the days when my three were little, I’d had an amusing parenting book to pick up that talked about the realities of it all. A lighthearted collection of short stories that covered the absurdities that come with parenting. To remind me that all parents are going through it, and we do all survive.

But guess what? There really is such a book now, and I’m very excited to say that I’m part of it.

‘We Need To Talk About the Terms Of My Imprisonment…and other funny parenting stories’ has been compiled by award winning writer and journalist, Michelle Tan, who you can find over on FaceBook as the very funny Ms Awesome Mother Extraordinaire.

The book comprises amusing parenting tales from 21 different writers. They all have different writing styles and funny stories to tell, which will make parents of young children laugh with relief that they’re not alone.

There really is a story for everyone.

My little anecdote is called ‘The Playdate,’ so if you fancy reading it, along with the other hilarious stories, you can preorder the e-version on Amazon here, and the printed copy will be available from 21st April 2018.

It could be the first and last time I am featured in an actual real life book, so I’ll dine out on this for a while.

The official launch of ‘We Need To Talk About About The Terms of My Imprisonment’ is taking place on Saturday 21st April at Xscape Yorkshire so if you’re in the area, do pop by to meet some of the contributing parent bloggers, listen to short live reads and parenting-related stand up comedy. Plus face painting for the kids and giveaways throughout the day for a chance to win copies of the book and other prizes. It’ll be located on the first floor near Xplore Soft Play. 

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