The Pros And Cons of Mrs S.H.I.T.’s Dry(ish) January

Diet coke just doesn’t cut it when there’s nothing else for it but to hide in the loo

Tis the beginning of February and with that comes the end of Mrs S.H.I.T.’s dry January.

To be fair, I can only admit to dry(ish) January.

Mr S.H.I.T. almost spat out his bacon buttie the other day as he heard me smugly tell a friend about my dry January. I admit I did enjoy a few proseccos at a friend’s 40th (it would have been rude not to), and I just had to have a cheeky drink on Friday during kids’ tea to stop me putting my head in the oven.

But apart from that, I was dry, and that’s a first for me since the three little buns were in the oven.

So, in reflection, I have made my personal list of the pros and cons of abstaining from the booze.

Please note I appreciate that many people do not drink for various reasons, and many people do drink for various reasons. This is in no way a judgement on either.


Mrs S.H.I.T.’s Dry(ish) January Pros

  1. Sleeping all night without the pea brain springing into red alert at 3.38am worrying about serious life-changers such as whether Middle Child’s clay ‘Colosseum’ for the Roman homework project will collapse in the night, whatever happened to Roland and Janet from Grange Hill, and will all my children end up as YouTubers who sit in dark rooms because they don’t do 56 clubs a week like everyone else.
  2. No more lying in bed wide awake for hours due to the aforementioned red alert pea brain, only to fall into the deepest slumber fifteen minutes before the first little S.H.I.T jumps on my head. Therefore, starting the day feeling exhausted, grumpy, dehydrated and self-loathing because I ate a whole packet of jammy dodgers the night before and the last of the Halloween sweets (yes, even the mini Bounty bars that nobody likes).
  3. Always waking up in my own pyjamas, instead of fully clothed in a bed full of toast crumbs, make-up smeared across my 103 year old looking face (please note that this one is a rare occurrence these days, and is usually due to some giddy over-excitement at being out at a venue where young people go).
  4. Not having the fear! Now this one is huge. No waking up horrified at what I might have said to someone, panicking whether I can ever do the school run again or have I, in fact, offended the entire parent population. And mortified that I might have told the only hot dad at school that he is the only hot dad at school, and my friends and I are so clever that we call him ‘Hot Dad’. OMG we’ll have to move.
  5. Eating more healthily – no more craving of carbs and eating ten sausage rolls for breakfast.
  6. Doing some exercise because I can be bothered.
  7. Being a little more patient with Mr S.H.I.T. and not wanting to rip his head off when he chews his soup and sometimes dares to breathe too loudly – this has probably gone down to 50% of the time, not bad.
  8. Being more patient with the children and managing to sustain a level of calmness when asked 55 ridiculous questions in a row about Pokémon.
  9. Not wasting an entire day of the weekend by counting down the minutes till the very noisy Little S.H.I.T.s go to bed, and dreaming of curling up on the sofa with a cheeseburger.
  10. Getting jobs done that have been on the to do list for six years – really fun things like putting up pictures and tidying drawers.

Mrs S.H.I.T.’s Dry(ish) January Cons

  1. I’m not sure how many Saturday nights I can watch Gavin Rossdale on The Voice? Will.I.Am, Jen and the lovely orange Sir Tom I can do, but Gav…
  2. Hiding in the loo at 6pm with a can of diet coke when the little S.H.I.T.s are doing my nut in, just doesn’t cut it.
  3. Wanting to rip Mr S.H.I.T.’s head off when he comes in from a ‘tough’ work dinner, stinking of booze and telling me the same story six times, while I watch him stuff four bags of pom bears in his gob.
  4. We’ve finished watching the tremendous Narcos on Netflix, and I’m not sure I can embark on another box set just yet.
  5. I’ve missed catching up properly with my friends. Coffees are good but personally, for me, there’s nothing better than having a glass with a mate over a good mutual offload of the good, and not so good times. As I always say shit happens and we’re all in it together, wine just takes the edge off.

So, bottoms up to that!





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