Boobs Glorious Boobs

Scene: A casual conversation over the kitchen table between myself and an old friend who came to stay, and hadn’t seen me for a while.

Her: I really like your new, you know… (cupping her breast area)

Me: Oh, thank you. Yey, it feels good to have new ones.

Her: They look really good on you.

Me: Thanks. They feel so much better too. 

Her: Was it a big decision?

Me: No, the old ones had to go. They were so old and tatty. 

Her: Well, they looked fine to me but now they’re great. It’s my dream.

Me: Really? It’s not hard. Just go and choose the right size for you.

Her: It’s so expensive though. 

Me: Well, it was a treat from Mr S.H.I.T. for my birthday. I said I’d been wanting new ones for a while and he was all for it.

Her: Wow. Wish my husband would say that. But what about the pain?

Me: The pain? No pain. Feels good actually. Hang on….what are we talking about here? 

Her: Your new boobs.

Me: My new boobs! I HAVENT GOT NEW BOOBS! I’m very happy with my old boobs.

Her: But, they look bigger and I saw the new bras on in your room and had a snoop at the size….

And there followed half an hour of laughter and guffawing at our ridiculous conversation.

Talk about crossed underwires.

So, the long and short of it is, that I got some lovely new bras and my dear old friend put two and two together to make 357, and thought I’d had a boob job. Please don’t get me wrong, I completely respect those who do get breast enlargements or reductions, for whatever reason, but I’m going to stick with mine just as they are. 

My point is, that my body has changed over the past year and my smaller bras were giving me that double boob thing, and as fabulous as boobs are, nobody really needs four. 

But our female bodies are ever changing, which is a wonderful thing.

It doesn’t always seem wonderful, however.

I’ve had many a sulky toddler tantrum moment in the changing rooms, when I just want to sit down and weep as I desperately try to yank the skinny jeans past my knees, or it dawns on me that I might frighten small children wearing the same sequinned tube dress that our 17 year old babysitter was rocking (it seemed slightly dramatic to almost spit out her Fruit Shoot when I asked her where I could get the same one).

Things are just not fitting like they used to, but acceptance is coming my way. 

My body has evolved from my skinny, rather shapeless teens, to my curvier, moon faced 20’s (a lot of serious pint work and 3am McDonalds binges were going on at that time).

Then on to the whirlwind of my 30’s when my body didn’t know quite what had hit it – three babies, breastfeeding, cake gorging, maternity clothes, big boobs, small boobs, snooker balls in socks boobs, exhaustion, and a muffin top to ‘top’ it all off.

And now finally in my 40’s it’s been given some well-deserved breathing space, and things seem to have settled. For a while anyway. 

But I am proud of the old Mrs S.H.I.T. body and what it has been through and given me.

I look back on photos of myself in my younger days and wonder why on earth I wanted to change it. Why did I yearn to look like Cindy Crawford? No matter how many times I did that workout video, it was never going to happen. My body was perfect and it was mine.

I long for my children to embrace their bodies and be proud of them. To be happy in their own skin. To love themselves unconditionally. To feel no pressure to be anything different from how beautifully perfect they are.

And those bodies will change over time, because we’re all different and we’re all changing, and we’re all perfect in our own ways. Let’s embrace it.

Check out Taryn Brumfitt’s journey from body loather to body lover in the film Embrace, a life changing social impact documentary that explores the serious issue of negative body image. It’s one woman’s journey to inspire everyBODY.

Embrace: The Union Project are seeking 2,000 people to purchase a public licence to screen Embrace (or gift their screening to a school or community group) and in doing so, contribute to a greater legacy for the next generation – vital body image education.

When the mission is accomplished, The Body Image Movement will make the Embrace Education Study Guide accessible to every secondary school across the UK for FREE. This resource inspires life- changing body image conversations in the classroom.


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