If you’d like to know how to have a stress free Christmas, here are a few dos and don’ts, according to the S.H.I.T. gospel on Christmas harmony.
wear sequins at any given opportunity, for when else can you don the sparkles? Sequinned harem pants (tick), sequinned deely bobbers (tick), sequinned Christmas jumper (tick) and of course sequinned pants (tick) though please note these can get a bit scratchy.
drink your own bodyweight in prosecco every time you go out for a Christmas shindig, especially at school events where it is always a good idea to completely embarrass yourself and inform Hot Dad that he’s super hot, announce to your kid’s teacher that you think she could do with putting a comb through her hair, and tell annoying Super Mum that she really needs to stop sending thousands of really boring, irrelevant Whatsapp messages to the whole school WhatsApp group. And then it’s good to have to do the school run the next day when you might want to put your sequinned pants over your head.
get yourself a copy of the Radio or TV Times (or bugger it, get both), get your highlighter out and start circling away. Not only will this take you back to happy days of your childhood when we actually looked at the paper to find out what was on telly, but you’ll get excited about watching Gavin & Stacey on Christmas Day, as well as the Sound of Music for the 750th time, and everything by David Walliams.
feel utterly defeated after spending the whole of December trying to make Christmas as magical as ever for your offspring with endless Christmas movies, festive days out to tacky over-priced events and sugary treats on tap, only to find the little S.H.I.T.s have ripped open all the gifts (you spent hours carefully wrapping) like savage pitbulls by 5.43am on Christmas Day, and are demanding to know what’s happening now. You are, at this point, totally within your rights to go into a small confined space, close the door and scream a string of very, very bad words, while punching the wall.
spare a thought for others who find this time of year incredibly tough and are just trying to get through it. If you’d like to help those who are struggling this Christmas, please find a list of ways you can do this at the end of this post.
worry about your bush not being as twinkly as everyone else’s on your street. You are doing your bit for the planet by saving energy. Fact is, your next door neighbour’s bush is much bushier than yours these days anyway (and so she can get twice as many pretty fairy lights wrapped around it), but then that’s because hers is a good few years younger, but has undoubtedly not seen so much action.
get stressed after getting highlighter happy with the Radio Times and circling 678 programmes that you MUST watch, then getting into a flat spin because you’ve GOT NO TIME to watch them all. The world will keep spinning if you don’t manage to catch all 16 Only Fools and Horses Christmas Specials.
have palpitations if you’ve given the kids free rein to decorate the Christmas tree, and now it looks like something the cat dragged in, with baubles here there and everything, a string of tacky tinsel wrapped around one side and a wonky star on the top. You’ve given them a lot of fun, they weren’t on their screens for a whole hour and it’ll be dumped out on the street in 2 weeks time anyway when you’ll be glad to see the back of it.
embark on the Elf on the Shelf debacle. You’ll be well over it by week two when naughty Elfy already keeps forgetting to move his/her lazy ars from his/her current shelf causing the kids much distress and a possible future distrust in all elf life. And all because Elf’s ‘manager’ has been having too many baileys of an evening and forgetting all about her little elfy friend.
think that just because it’s nearly Christmas you can eat every thing in sight and nothing physically will change. You will soon realise that even your pants (especially your sequinned ones – they’ve don’t have much give by the way) will start cutting into your muffin top. It is, of course, absolutely fine and to be encouraged to overindulge at this time of year, but don’t expect January to be much fun as you go cold turkey (you’ll have scoffed a lot of that too by the way) on the mince pies, Celebrations and litres of mulled wine.
forget to enjoy yourself and relax with your friends and family. It’s a special time of year and no one will really care if the turkey isn’t quite of Delia standards, and the sprouts are over boiled – as long as you’re all together, forcing everyone to play board games that you don’t touch the rest of the year, feeding family feuds, and telling yourself that you’re definitely going away somewhere hot next year (on your own).
And with that, let me wish you all a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Thank you all for your continued support for So Happy In Town.
I really, really appreciate it and may you all continue to be S.H.I.T. in 2020.
Much love, Susie. x
Please find below a few of the charities that are helping those who are struggling at this time of year.
Crisis – Help the Homeless at Christmas – For just £28.87 you can reserve a place at a Crisis centre this Christmas and help someone rebuild their life.
YoungMinds – This Christmas your donation could help a young person struggling with their mental health get the support they deserve. Please also look out for the new S.H.I.T. T-shirt campaign for YoungMinds starting in the New Year.
Salvation Army – Salvation Army churches and centres across the UK are running a Christmas present appeal where they are collecting new, unwrapped toys and gifts for children who might not otherwise receive a Christmas present.
The Trussell Trust – Your support can make a real difference to people in crisis over Christmas, making sure food banks are able to meet increased demand and help those who need it most.
NSPCC – For some children, Christmas is not a safe, happy time. This year you can help protect children today and prevent abuse from happening tomorrow.
Age UK – Age UK’s Christmas campaign highlights that no one should have no one at this time of year. Your support and donations can help the charity be there for older people and tackle the loneliness that is blighting too many lives.