Mr & Mrs S.H.I.T.’s Run-Up To Christmas

Decorating the house

Mrs S.H.I.T.

This starts off as a jolly family exercise with Mr Michael crooning in the background about his last Christmas. After 5 minutes however, the little S.H.I.Ts have lost interest and I’m left alone, cursing over the mass of tangled fairy lights.

I need my bush to be twinkly again this year. I do so love a twinkly bush and can’t have my next door neighbour having a more twinkly bush than me. I definitely requested last year that Mr S.H.I.T. put the lights away carefully to avoid this light-tangling catastrophe.

When I call through to him in the other room to gently suggest the lights could have been put away more methodically, he shouts from his horizontal position on the sofa that he likes my bush just as it is. I am wondering if, like the boys of Wham, this might be our last Christmas. Together. 

Mr S.H.I.T.

I traipse off to get the tree as I do every year with the kids, and haul it into the house. This is no easy exercise and quite frankly, I am exhausted. As usual the tree is not quite right for Mrs S.H.I.T. Too big. Too small. This year apparently it is too pine-needly.

Anyway, some sofa time catching up on Arsenal on my phone is definitely well deserved after that effort.

Two seconds in and the lovely Mrs S is screeching something at me from the other room about tangled lights, twinkly bushes and last Christmases. I pop my headphones on and turn up Arsene Wenger. His dulcit tones are very soothing.

Present Buying

Mrs S.H.I.T.

The list is as long as my arm and as always I wonder whether it might be better to send out an email to say I’ll give to charity instead. However, I battle on and buy for not only my family, but Mr S.H.I.T.’s entire family too.

He does not think, at any one point in the run-up to Christmas, to enquire about the present buying situation for his blood relatives. But at 9pm on Christmas Eve he wonders aloud what to do about a present for his parents. I look around for a sharp instrument.

Mr S.H.I.T.

One of the (many) wonderful things about being married is that I no longer have to give the awful process that is present buying a second thought. I just have to pretend I know what we gave everyone on the day. I think Mrs S.H.I.T. really enjoys doing it too, so it’s win win all round.

Christmas parties

Mrs S.H.I.T.

My workplace has a small Christmas ‘do’ where I usually down a couple of Bailey’s while listening to Jon in accounts witter on about Brexit.

Fortunately, I  have to race back for the fourteen year old babysitter who I’ve left in charge of the three most precious people in the world to me, even though he doesn’t look much older than my eleven year old. But beggars cannot be choosers at this time of year, and I have no choice as Mr S.H.I.T. appears to be taking full advantage of the silly season.

He apparently ‘needs’ to attend every single Christmas party going in December, with no apparent thought of when he should return home.

Mr S.H.I.T.

There are so many Christmas dos on, it’s a nightmare. I’ve not only got my five work ones, but I’ve got to try to catch up with the boys too. The uni boys, the school boys, the commute-to-work boys and the Fantasy League boys. I’m so tired. It’s alright for my lovely wife, she can make the excuse to get back for the babysitter. I have to stay till the end and show that I’m just as much fun as I was twenty years ago. 

School Christmas Admin

Mrs S.H.I.T.

My email is bursting every day with new information about school Christmas fun which inevitably involves parental involvement. Teachers presents, nativity props, mini cheddars for class parties, and where on earth am I going to find a Christmas jumper at 6pm the day before Christmas Jumper Day. That email somehow slipped through the net and now I have a sobbing little S.H.I.T. on my hands.

Amazon Prime can’t even save me now.

One of the other little S’s helpfully suggests that I could just knit one – that night. I phone Mr S to see if he could source one on his way home but he can’t hear me over the loud, banging music. When I hear someone asking him if he’d like a tonic with all that gin, I find myself throwing my phone at the Christmas tree.

Mr S.H.I.T.

It’s amazing how little we have to do for the school. Obviously they don’t need much parent help.

Mrs S.H.I.T. did call me in a panic last night, shrieking about a Christmas jumper but I could only hear every third word. I was having to try to be fun at the new graduates’ Christmas do. I think it was really important that I was there, seeing as the rest of the management team felt it was unnecessary to attend. Quite the opposite I say, it’s important to show these youngsters that us old dogs still have it in us.

I’m not feeling like I’ve got it in me anymore however, and seem to have been moved permanently into the spare room. 

The conclusion

Mrs S.H.I.T.

I’m utterly exhausted by the time Christmas Day arrives. December has been nothing short of a marathon. I’ve bought all the food though, and set the alarm for 5.30am to get the turkey on.

But what’s this? Mr S.H.I.T. has beaten me to it. He’s up peeling spuds and parsnips. I’m told to go back to bed.

He proceeds to cook the entire Christmas dinner and only reverts to his favourite horizontal position in time to watch Gangsta Granny with the kids at 5pm.

I look over at him through a fuzzy glow of prosecco and Quality Streets, and realise he’s pretty wonderful, as long as he does the washing up, seeing as he’s managed to use every single cooking utensil and pan that we own. 

Mr S.H.I.T.

I’m utterly exhausted by the time Christmas Day arrives. December has been nothing short of a marathon.  But I thought it would only be fair to let Mrs S.H.I.T. have a truly well deserved lie-in, so I get up early to put the turkey on. Thought I’d just crack on with the spuds and parsnips too. 

As everyone opens their presents and I make the appropriate noises, I look over at my wonderful wife, and realise just how much she does for our family. If I tell her this, AND do the washing up, I wonder if I’ll be able to play golf tomorrow… 

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to all of you who’ve taken the time to read my S.H.I.T. posts week in and week out this year.

I really appreciate your support. 

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 

Susie xx

 

 

 

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21 Comments

  1. December 18, 2017 / 6:15 pm

    This really made me chuckle and smile after a Marathon wrapping day!!

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 19, 2017 / 11:53 am

      I’ve still got so much wrapping to do. Takes forever doesn’t it? Thx for reading lovely xx

  2. December 19, 2017 / 11:40 am

    Oh dear, it’s all worth it in the end when Christmas finally arrives, merry Christmas #twinklytuesday@_karendennis

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 19, 2017 / 11:53 am

      It will be! Thx for reading x

  3. December 19, 2017 / 12:21 pm

    This is so accurate! Absolutely love it Mrs S.H.I.T have a lovely Christmas. xx #Dreamteam

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 19, 2017 / 7:30 pm

      Thanks darling! And thanks for reading xxx

  4. December 19, 2017 / 12:56 pm

    Merry Christmas – it certainly is the silly season! Work Do’s aside though its just nice being at home and wth family x Popping over from #DreamTeam x

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 19, 2017 / 7:30 pm

      I can’t wait for when all the silly work dos are done and we are all together at home for Christmas. Thanks for reading x

  5. December 19, 2017 / 1:36 pm

    This is basically like December in my house! Love this post. Just pinched it for my Buffer xxx

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 19, 2017 / 7:29 pm

      Glad it’s not just me! Hoping Mr S really does cook the Christmas dinner! Thx for reading xx

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 19, 2017 / 7:28 pm

      Thanks so much! And thank you for reading and commenting x

  6. Rebecca
    December 19, 2017 / 7:59 pm

    Love that you are SHIT ing together at Christmas Mr & Mrs S! A brilliant read!
    Twinkly bush envy🤣

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 20, 2017 / 3:08 pm

      Thanks darling Rebecca. I have real twinkly bush envy of your twinkly bush as you know! Thx for reading and commenting xx

  7. December 21, 2017 / 1:26 am

    Our tree actually sat undecorated in the dining room for almost a week as we both waited for the other to take the initiative and decorate it. I figured since I bought it and set it up straight, the single hardest job at Christmas, she could hang the shit. Eventually I won. Hope your bush ended up being the sparkliest on the block #dreamteam

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 24, 2017 / 11:40 am

      Love that – the battle of who decorates the bloomin’ tree! Have to say Mr S certainly feels the same as you, and has no intention of ever helping decorate the tree having hauled it in. Happy Christmas!

  8. December 21, 2017 / 11:38 am

    Christmas chaos AWWWHHH….are we living a parallel life! I need some gin…maybe I’ll get a miniture in my stocking if I’m lucky. Merry Christmas Mrs SHIT, Mr SHIT & your beautiful little SHITS.

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 24, 2017 / 11:38 am

      Aw gorgeous Hattie, I just wish you still lived down the road to share some gin with me. Have a wonderful Christmas and love to you all xxxx

  9. Philippa Rae
    December 24, 2017 / 10:21 am

    Happy Christmas Susie! I hope the Turkey Dream comes true tomorrow morning. Hope to see you in the New Year. All love Philippa xx ps if you’re north skim a pebble on the beach for me

    • Susie | So Happy In Town
      December 24, 2017 / 11:37 am

      Happy Christmas lovely! Actually going to the in-laws so no Christmas dinner cooking required, phew! Sadly not up north but maybe next year. Have a fab time and I’d love to catch up in 2018. Huge love, S x

  10. January 4, 2018 / 3:28 pm

    Ah I really loved this – I love a happy ending! Christmas is so stressful, but I hope you had a great time! Thanks for joining in at #TriumphantTales, we are back on Tuesday, hope to see you there!

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