Just after Christmas, Mr S.H.I.T. and I celebrated our anniversary, and this time Mr S.H.I.T. was in charge of celebratory proceedings.
Once I had squeezed into one of the few dresses I could get past the Christmas muffin top, I was told our chariot awaited.
I was looking for the regular Uber in the form of a Toyota Prius, but instead, there awaited a glistening, black Merc with blacked out windows. My hot date had only gone and booked an Exec no less, with little bottles of water in the back and sweets and everything!
I would have been more than happy being driven round London eating Murray Mints in that kind of luxury for an hour or so.
But my carpool dreams were shattered, as our driver pulled up at The Dorchester hotel.
Once the car door had been opened for me by a lovely doorman in a top hat, we entered the magical world of this luxury, five star hotel.
The Christmas decos were sumptuous. No cheap tinsel and inflatable Santas in this establishment (don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of tat) but The Dorchester is pure elegance.
We trotted through the beautifully decorated hallway and arrived at a stairway which transports you to the 1930’s art deco world of China Tang, the Cantonese restaurant created by Sir David Tang.
We had a few glasses of pink fizz in the bar area to celebrate our love and the fact that we, of course, never argue about who’s on duty with the kids, never try to win the competition of who’s the most tired, and I never want to rip his head off when he drops his dirty pants on the bedroom floor a mere two feet away from the laundry basket.
After a few glasses of the pink stuff, all was fuzzy and nice. I could even have gone for a snog, my love was so strong, but I thought I’d play hard to get and went to explore the ‘ladies’ instead.
The loos are cool, in similar décor to the bar, with quirky objets d’art scattered around. I love a good loo (obvs, as I need to go on average seventeen times during an evening) and this one was up there with the best. Each cubicle had enough space to do a cartwheel in. Just in case you ever feel the need to do a touch of the old gymnastics before going for a tinkle.
Once I’d admired the bog situation I tottered out, concentrating very hard not to fall ars over tit in my heels – this would not have been a good look in front of the very composed, polished-looking clientele.
We were then taken through to the main restaurant which was absolutely buzzing.
Our table was far too close to the next table for our liking. We both have a personal space issue when it comes to fellow diners. But a good opportunity to eavesdrop into other conversations when Mr S.H.I.T. can’t be bothered to talk to me.
Despite the restaurant being so busy, the service was very quick and we ordered a selection of Cantonese dishes. All gluten free of course and they were happy to adapt dishes for me.
Lobster lettuce to start, then steamed and egg fried rice, salt and pepper prawns, chicken, scallops.
It was all good, but not exquisite. I’ve tasted better Chinese food to be honest.
But a couple of glasses of fine red wine later, and out we meandered, back through The Dorchester corridor which is truly exquisite.
I spotted my Rolls Royce lift home, but Mr S.H.I.T rolled his eyes and got into the UberX parked next to it.
My chariot had turned into a pumpkin, but my Prince Charming had definitely not turned into a frog – far from it with the old wine goggles on.
I suggested a snog on the way home and he got out his phone to check the football scores. True love never dies.
Happy anniversary my gorgeous Hub who despite being known as Mr S.H.I.T. on here (and being very good about it), is not shit at all, but really very, very wonderful.